It was the height of summer. The pain in my leg was getting progressively worse. I was in constant pain , day and night. But the days were full of activities, and work. After work I would fall on my bed and wonder if this is the life I was dealt. It was so difficult. And I also had to pretend I was strong and bulletproof. Where I live people do not have a lot of sympathy for others . So the days dragged on until the Monday came I just could not handle the pain anymore. My leg was severely swollen and pain was at a neat 10/10 ! I stayed home wondering how I am going to cope without loosing my mind . There was one friend who would come to the gate with food and coffee . It gave me a reason to get up and try again . Eventually I went to a doctor and got some meds that eased the pain , but also only after a few days. Back at work there was a lot of trouble that did not help my state of mind  . I just did not have the strenght for it .

After some rigorous physiotherapy , the leg got better and I was so thankful and hopeful that it would be the end of this horror. But it was not to be. Little did anyone suspect the evil keneewel that was growing in my body. I remember very clearly how I asked my homegroup for a photo of us together, after all we hadn’t taken one in quite a while. I was so surprised at the very negative response! So long story short we did not take a photo of us all together. Little did anyone of us know it was very close to not having everybody in the photo ever again. A few weeks before this I had severe pain in my chest, it was about the third time and it was definitely the worst of the three times. It was blood clots that passed through my lung! I stood upright for 5 hours that night and was thankful the neighbors could not hear my bawling and screaming in pain. At the light of morning I fell asleep, utterly exhausted. Two weeks after that I stayed in bed the Sunday morning, asking God to speak to me. I was so very tired , and so very much spent in body and soul  . And what He said gave me great peace. I would only find out later that He meant so much more than what I understood that Sunday morning .

“Remember your purpose. You are preserved for a purpose.”

I was then taken for scans and was rushed to the ER with severely clotted veins. The clots were travelling to my heart and I was told that I may not survive the night.

What a weird experience to see everybody turning white in the face , a mad rush to get a wheelchair , hurrying me to the ER . All is happening in slow motion.

I was given meds, told to lie down for 10 days and that I will be fine after that. Well, you could have quessed it ! The pain did not leave, the swelling did not go down. I was out of breath and strength from just taking a shower. I was unable to walk for weeks and spent my days looking at the ceiling of my friend’s spare room. So much goes through ones mind . Will I survive this ? Will my my finances and job survive? Why doesn’t the ones who should understand not care ? A million thoughts a day . But I heard Him clearly one day saying He wants me to slow down, He is preserving me and that He will take care of me. This is a story of hope and faithfulness , a story of God and a story to give hope to others who are going through the same uncertainty and difficult days . This entire website is dedicated to giving hope to others . I have seen and experienced a whole lot in my 51 years . I have come through all , by the grace of God and by no other means. He has always been faithful in fulfilling His promises to me and therefore I want to extend a hand to you. I want to encourage you to invite Him into your life. I want to actually urge you to seek Him for yourself and taste and see that He IS good, He IS faithful and He IS ready to do for you far more than you can ever imagine.

Some random thoughts on preserving:

My grandmother was famous for preserving yellow peaches , quince and pears . Rows of beautiful glass bottles in the kitchen filled with the sweet fruits of summer, to use and enjoy in winter . Grandfather tended the fruit trees the whole summer , pruning in winter , and waiting for his “sowing” into the care of the trees to bear their fruit .

The fruit of his labour at the right time , is preserved for later use .

The photo above is of the original note I wrote down after I already had 3 blood clots through my lung. I distinctly heard God say these words to me, and He also said : “I preserve you for a purpose. Remember your purpose .”

Now after almost 4 years of recovery these words are more meaningful than ever . I know what my purpose is . I know why I am here and now I have great hope for myself and others to run the race of life with meaning, purpose, peace and joy.